CAPTAIN'S LOG STARDATE 99PROBLEMSBUTABITCHAINTONE LMAO SO WE WUZ MEETIN SUM PEECE OF SHIT STARFLEET SHIP 2 PICK UP SUM FUCKIN KID NAMED CHARLIE EVENS WHO I GESS WUZ ALL ABANDONED ON SUM PLANIT OR SUM SHIT AND WE GOTTA TAKE HIM 2 SUM FUCKIN SPACE STATION OR COLONY OR SUMTHIN. SO HE BEEMZ ABORD & SEES MY WOMAN JANICE AND HE IZ ALL "OMG IS DAT A GURL??" AND I WUZ LIKE "LMAO WERE U BEEN NIGGA YA DATS A GURL YO!" LOLOLOL MCCOY WUZ ALL "DAMNIT JIM HE HAZ NEVER SEEN A GURL WUT DO U EXPECT" AND I SAID "I EXPECT HEZ PROBABLY BEEN JERKIN IT LIKE CRAZY DEN LMAO"

ANYWAY CHARLIE STARTED TRYIN TO HORN IN ON MY WOMAN SHOWIN HER A BUNCHA MAJIK TRICKS LMAO LIKE WOMEN LIKE DAT GEEKY SHIT!! JANICE WUZ ALL "NIGGA U LAME GET AWAY FROM ME UUGGGGHHH AS IF!!!" CHARLIE STARTED ACTIN LIKE A BIG EMO CRYBABY LMAO I WUZ LIKE "U AINT GOT NO GAME KID! LAWL" EVRYONE WUZ LAFFIN AT HIM DEN HE MADE SOME CHICK'S FUCKIN FACE DISAPPEAR I WUZ LIKE OH SHIT!!!! SPOCK WUZ ALL "JIM WE ARE IN GRATE DANGER U MUST DO SUMTHIN!" SO I WUZ THINKIN I SHULD CALM HIM DOWN & I OFFERED HIM SUM WEED AND CHARLIE WUZ ALL "I DONT CARE BOUT U ALL I WANT IS JANICE!!!!!!" AND DAT MOTHERFUCKER MADE MY WEED DISAPEER AND DEN I WUZ LIKE "AW HELL NO MOTHERFUCKER!!" & I WENT 2 BEET HIS FUCKIN ASS BUT HE USE DEM FUCKIN POWERZ ON ME MADE MY INSIDEZ HURT LIKE A BITCH!!111 DEN I WUZ LIKE "AIGHT U GONNA PLAY IT LIKE DAT HUH?  I GOT DA PERFECT PLACE FOR UR BITCH ASS!!"

SULU TOOK US BY GOTHOS AGEN & GARY MITCHELL AND DAT D00D TRELAINE WER STILL DER FIGHTIN & LIKE THE WHOLE SURFACE OF DA PLANIT WAS ALL ON FIRE & SHIT AND IT LOOKED FUCKIN AWESOME!!!!!!111 ANYWAY JANICE WUZ LIKE "OOOooooOooOOOHHH CHARLIE... I'LL SUCK UR COCK IF U BEEM 2 DA SURFACE WIT ME... :)" CHARLIE WAS ALL LIKE "OMG LETS GO!!!111" LMAO HE HAD A VIZIBLE BONER TOO WE WER ALL TRYIN NOT 2 LAFF CUZ HE WUZ TURNIN PPL INTO IGUANAS AND SHIT NO JOKE!! SO DEN WE JUS BEEM HIM DOWN & LEEV JANICE ON DA TRANSPORTER PAD LMAO FUCKIN SLICK RITE?!?? DEN WE WARP OUTTA DER AZ FAST AZ WE CULD.

DEN JANICE WUZ IN HER PINK NIGHTY THANG & I HIT DAT SHIT ALL NIGHT LIKE A BOSS LMAO ALSO I AM PLEEZED 2 REPORT DAT DA SHIPZ ARBUREETUM REPLASED ALL DA WEED DAT CHARLIE DIZAPEERED!!!11

KIRK OUT!!!1111

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LMAO CAPTAIN'S LOG STARDATE 80085 (LMAO DAT SPELZ BOOBZ IF U PUT IT INTO CALCULATOR!!11) ANYWAYZ WE WUZ ZOOMIN AROUND & MINDIN R OWN BUZINESS WEN WE GET CALL FROM STARFLEET SAYIN' WE NEEDED 2 RETRN 2 SPACE DOCK 4 SUM REVIEW OF MY PERFRMANCE OR SUM SHIT. I GESS SUM HATERZ BEEN RUNNIN DEY FUCKIN MOUTHS BEHIND MY BACK LIKE BITCHES!!!1111 NEWAYZ WE GO BACK 2 FEDERASHEN SPACE & SOME PEECE OF SHIT SHIP MEETS US & GESS WHO IZ FLYIN IT?? MY OLD HOMESLICE CHRIS PIKE! I WUZ LIKE AW SHIT WAZZUP SON? BUT HE WUZ ALL GAY N SHIT, LIKE WEN WE FIRST MET IN DA BAR ON ERTH. HE WUZ ALL "KIRK I'VE BEEN REEDIN UR LOGZ & I AM VERY DISAPPOINTD IN U BLAH BLAH BLAH STARFLEET IS NOT A PLEASURE CRUISE BLAH BLAH U HAVE STARTED THREE MAJOR CONFLICTS DURING UR TIME AZ CAPTAIN BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAAAAAAHHHH!!!" I WUZ LIKE "Y R U TALKIN 2 ME, MAAAAAAAANNNN???" BUT HE WUZNT HAVIN NONE OF IT CUZ HE GOT A SICK UP HIZ ASS OR SUM SHIT!!!

SO HE IZ LIKE "COM OVR 2 MY SHIP SO WE CAN TALK" I'M LIKE PFFFTTT WHUTEVR FINE SO I GO OVR DER TO HIZ PEECE OF SHIT J-CLASS VESSEL DAT HE TRAINZ N00BS ON LMAO I NEVER HAD 2 DO ANY OF DAT TRAININ IN SPACE I WUZ PROMOTED 2 CAPTANE AFTR MY FIRST TIME IN SPACE LMAO WAT LOSERS!!!!!1111 ANYWAY I WUZ OVR DERE & PIKE WUZ ALL "SON U GOTTA TAKE DIS MORE SRSLY DER ARE LIVEZ AT STAKE BLAH BLAH BLAH " SOME OFFICR ON HIZ SHIP STARTED TALKIN 2 HIM SO I SNUCK AWAY 2 GET AWAY FROM HIZ BORIN LECTURE & I FOUND SOME CADETZ AND DEY WERE LIKE "SIR!" AND SALUTIN N SHIT BUT I WUZ ALL "AT EEZE NIGGAZ ITZ COOL YO! U WANNA BURN ONE?" & WE LIT ONE UP LMAO I STARTED PLAYIN WIT DIS PHASER & SHOOTIN DIS METAL PLATE AND WRITIN "CHRIS PIKE IS A FAG" ON IT WIT DA PHAZER LMAO!! DEN PIKE BUST IN & IZ LIKE "WHAT DA FUCK R U DOIN DAT IZ BAFFLE PLATE GET OUTTA HERE NOOOWWWW!!!!!!!!111" SO WE WERE LIKE "LMAO O SHIT RUN!!!" & WE LOCK DA DOOR BEHIND US & LOCK HIM IN DER LMAO IT WUZ SO FUNNY HEERIN HIM YELL IN DER "LET ME OUT U IDIOTZ DIS PLATE IS RUPTURIN AAAAWWWWW GGGAAAAWWDDDD" LMAO WAT AN EMO BABY!!!

BUT I GESS HE HAD SUM ACIDENT OR SUMPTIN CUZ MCCOY WUZ ALL "JIM U BETTER GIT 2 SICKBEY" SO I GO DER & PIKE IS ALL CRIPLED IN A WEELCHARE N SHIT. I WUZ LIKE "DAAYYYUUMMM SON!!!11" LMAO HE JUST SITS DER & BEEPZ. I WUZ LIKE "LMAO GESS U WERNT SO GOOD AFTR ALL HUH? LMAO TRYIN 2 TELL ME HOW 2 RUN MY SHIP MAN LOOK AT U N00B!! LMAO CALL ME N IDIOT MAN LOOK AT UR GIMP ASS, WTF!!" DEN WE THREW A HUGE FUCKIN PARTY TRYIN' 2 CHEER HIM UP BUT HE JUST SIT THERE & BEEP OVER & OVER NOT LAFFIN OR HAVIN A GODD TIME OR NUTHIN WUT A FUCKIN BORIN BUZZKILL MAN!! WE STARTD DRAWIN ON HIM & SHIT LMAO WE UZED 2 BE COOL BUT NOW HE IZ BORIN AS SHIT!!!!

FINALLY I AM PLEESED 2 REPORT DAT ONE OF DA CADETZ I BURNT ONE WIT GOT IN FIGHT WIT PIKE'S FIRST OFFICR & TOOK COMMAND OF HIZ SHIP & GAVE ME AN EXSELENT REVEW AZ CAPTANE SO FUCK YEAH SON!!

FUCKIN KIRK OUT!!!!!111

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CAPTAIN'S LOG STARDATE 8===========D~~~~~ LMAFAO SO ANYWAYZ WE WUZ FLYIN AROUND BORED AS SHIT N SHOOTIN STUFF WIT LAZERS WHEN WE RAN INTO SUM FUCKIN PEECE OF SHIT SHIP & WE STARTED HALEING IT & MAKIN FUN OF IT LMAO DEN DIS FOOL WIT AN EPIC MUSTASH POPS UP ON SCREEEN BEIN LIKE "HEEELLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THAR!!!" AND I WUZ LIKE LMAO LOOK AT DIS FUCKIN' GUY!! DEN CHEKOV CUMS UP & IS LIKE "dat iz harry mudd! he iz vanted creeminal ve shuld arvest heem!!!!" SO I WUZ LIKE "AY NIGGA U UNDER ARREST!!" DEN SUDDENLY HARRY FUCKIN MUDD PULLS OUT DIS HUGE SACK O WEED & IZ LIKE "U SHURE WE CANT CUM 2 SUM BARGANE? :-D" SO I WUZ ALL "HOLY FUCK SON GIT UR OLD FUCKIN ASS OVER HERE!!!" LMAO

NOT ONLY DID DIS MOTHERFUCKER BRING LIKE 20 TONZ OF KRONIK BUT ALSO A BUNCH OF STRIPPERZ & WHORES & WE WUZ ALL GETTIN HOOKED DA FUCK UP LMAO O EXCEPT FUCKIN CHEKOV CUZ HE WUZ LIKE "under artukle 114.7 ov starfleet code i am placing u under arrest..." AND WE WERE LIKE STFU & GTFO NERD & GAVE HIM A SWIRLY IN DA TOILET LMAO

ANYWAYZ I GOT INTO DA COMPUTER & STRAIGHTEND OUT HARRY'Z RECORD & NOW HE IZ CLEEN & ALSO I AWARDED HIM A BUNCH OF MEDALZ OF VALER WIT CLUSTERZ CUZ HE GOT THE BEST FUCKIN WEED EVER & CRAZY HOT WHOREZ LOL HE IZ A MAJOR FUCKIN PIMP WHO IZ WELCOME IN FEDERASHEN SPACE ANYTIME!!1111

FUCKIN KIRK OUT!

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CAPTAIN'S LOG STARDATE 1-69-4-U LMAO!!!111 SO WE WUZ FLYIN' AROUND N SHIT WEN UHURA STARTS YAPPIN DAT WE WERE GETTIN MESSAGES N SHIT ON SUBSPACE CHANNELZ. I WUZ ALL "ONSCREEN" & PRETENDIN 2 BE SRS N SHIT. IT WUZ SUM PLANIT FULL O BABEZ WIT 4 TITZ I WUZ LIKE "SAYWUUUUUTTT?!?!?! AW YEAH SON!!!!" DEY WUZ TALKIN ALL DAT TREETY & AGREEMENT GARBAGE & I WUZ LIKE "IT IZ CUSTOMARY 4 US 2 REMOVE OUR CLOTHIN WEN WE NEGOSHIATE DIS TYPE SHIT. IT WULD OFFEND US GRATELY IF U DID NOT." DEM GIRLZ WUZ LIKE "......." DEN AFTER DEY TALK WIT EACH OTHR SUM DEY STARTED STRIPPIN!! LMAO SCOTTY TOOK A BUNCH OF SCREENSHOTZ & I RECORDED VIDEO ON MY TRICORDER IT WUZ OFF DA HOOK SON!!!!!!!!!!! DEN DEM LADIEZ WUZ LIKE "WHY YOU NO REMOVE CLOTHING?" AND WE WUZ LIKE "LMAO SEE YA BITCHES!!!!!" AND WARPED AWAY LOL DEY SENT SUM FIGHTER OUT TO GIT US & I MESSAGED DEM PIX OF MY COCK OVER & OVER & SAYIN "IZ DIS WUT UR AFTER LADIEZ?" LMAO DEN WE JUST OUTRUN DEM CUZ DER SHIPZ SUCK LOLOLOL

MOTHERFUCKIN KIRK OUT, PEEEEECE!!!

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CAPTAIN'S LOG STARDATE A-B-C-DEEZNUTZ LMAO!! SO SOME SHIT WENT DOWN YO! ME N MY NIGGA GARY MITCHELL WUZ SMOKIN SUM BUD & GETTIN OUR GROOVE ON WIT DA LADIEZ WHEN WE RAN INTO SUM ENERGY BARRIER OR SUMTHIN & IT FUCKED GARY'S SHIT ALL UP!! HE GOT DESE WHITE EYEZ & STARTED SPEWING ALL DIS FAG TALK LIKE "JIM I AM BECOMING MORE THAN A MAN URURURURURURUUUUHHH LOVE IS A MANY SPLENDID THINGZ WIT WINGS" OR SUM SHIT LOL WHUTEVER MAN!! SO I GUESS HE GOT POWERS OR SUM SHIT & WE KEPT ASKIN HIM 2 DO MAGIC TRICKS BUT HE WAS FUCKIN GAY AS HELL & NOT DA HOMESLICE I USED 2 NO!  HE JUST KEPT THREATENING US & FORCE CHOKING PPL & GENERLLY BEIN A DICK. HE WUZ LIKE "TAKE ME 2 DELTA VEGA, JIM!" BUT FUCK DER AINT NO WAY I AM GOIN BACK 2 DAT PLACE AFTER SPOCK SHOT ME DOWN THERE & THAT GIANT VAGINA MONSTER TRIED 2 EAT ME LMAO I AM DA ONE DAT IZ SPOSED 2 EAT VAGES NOT DA OTHER WAY ROUND YA FEEL ME??!!! LMAO!!!

ANYWAY GARY WUZ BEIN A BIG EMO PEECE OF SHIT SO I SAW ON DA STARCHART SUM PLANET NAMED GOTHOS SO I WUZ LIKE "LMAO LET'S TAKE HIM 2 DA GOTH PLANET SINCE HE IZ A FUCKIN EMO CUNT NOW!" SO WE GO DER & BEEM HIM DOWN & DER WUZ SUM OTHER SUPER POWERD FAGIT THERE NAMED TRELAINE OR SUM SHIT & THEY STARTED FIGHTIN WITH THEIR POWERS & SHIT. WE WUZ TAKIN BETS AND LIKIN IT BUT FUCKIN CHEKOV SHOWED UP & WUZ LIKE "OH MY GAAAWWWDDD" & WARPED THE SHIP AWAY LIKE A FUCKIN ASSHOLE.

ID LIKE 2 PUT A MARK IN CHEKOV'S RECORD FOR BEING A HUGE DWEEB BUZKILL NERD. ALSO PLZ ADD NOTATION TO GARY MITCHELL'S FILE DAT HE GAVE HIS LIFE BEING A FUCKING DICKHEAD EMO PEECE OF SHIT.

OK DAT'S ALL I GESS, KIRK OUT!

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CAPTAIN'S LOG STARDATE 8675309 LMAO ANYWAY SO TODAY CHEKOV WUZ WRITIN DOWN A BUNCH OF MATH SHIT ON DEM CLEAR BOARDS WE HAVE ON DA BRIDGE FOR WHATEVER REASON SO I WUZ LIKE "AW SHIT SON I GOTTA IDEA..." AN ORDERED HIM 2 GO CLEAN DA URINALS LMAO BUT DAT WUZNT EVEN DA GOOD PART DEN I GRABBED A PEN N WENT N CHANGED A BUNCHA HIS NUMBERS AROUND HAHAHAHA MAN U SHULDA SEEN HIS FACE WEN HE GOT BACK LOLOL HE WUZ LIKE "VAT IZ DIS?? VAT HAPPEN 2 MY EQUAZEN?? DIS WUZ NEW VARP FIELD THEORY!!" HAHAHA WAT A FUCKIN NERD LOL DEN WE ALL GAVE HIM A WICKED NOOGIE LOL IT WUZ GRATE

LOLOLOL OK END OF REPORT KIRK OUT PEACE!!!

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CAPTAIN'S LOG STARDATE 187ONANUNDERCOVERCOP! LMAO ANYWAY... I GUESS EVERYONE IZ MAD @ ME CUZ WE WERE FIGHTIN' IN DEEP SPACE WIT SOME FOOLS N I ORDERED THE WARP CORE TO BE EJECTED.  HAY IT WERKED W/ NERO SO WHY NOT NOW RITE??  OK SO NOW I GUESS WE CANT GO 2 WARP OR SOME SHIT AN IT WILL TAKE US LIKE 3 MONTHS 2 EVEN GIT BACK IN COMMUNICATION RANGE SO SUMONE CAN COME TOW US.  SUX YEAH, BUT HOW DA FUCK AM I SPOSED 2 KNOW DAT SHIT WUD HAPPEN?  I AINT NO ENGINEER, FUCK!  ALL DESE HATERZ CAN KISS MY A$$!!!11

LOL SPEEKIN OF ENGINEERS, GUESS WUT?  WE FIGURED OUT DAT SCOTTY WUZNT EVEN HANGIN OUT IN ENGINEERING LOL IT WUZ DA GOD DAMNED SHIP SEWER LMAO I DUNNO WUT HE HAD BEEN DOIN DOWN THAR ALL DIS TIME BUT LOL NOW HE AN DAT LIL LIZARD DUDE ARE IN ENGINEERING DOIN STUFF N THANGZ

GUESS I GOTS 2 GIT OFF HEER N WATCH ALL DESE FOOLZ DRINK THER HATERAIDE.  WUT A BUNCH OF LOSERS, I WUZ PROMOTED FROM CADET 2 CAPTAIN IN 1 DAY.  WTF HAVE DEY EVER DONE?  BABIES.  KIRK OUT.

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CAPTAIN'S LOG STARDATE 90210 LOLOLOL ANYWAY WE WUZ ASSIGNED 2 INVESTIGATE PLANET BARION 12 CUZ NOBODY EVER BEEN THERE BEFORE.  IT SHOULD BE CALLED BORING 12 CUZ THOSE D00DZ JUST WANTED 2 TALK TREATIES N' SCIENCE N' SHIT LOLOL WHO CAREZ ABOUT DAT KINDA CRAP I MEAN REALY LEEVE IT 4 THE NERDZ BACK AT STARFLEET HQ.  CHEKOV TRIED TO CONVINCE US 2 TALK ALL DAT SHIT BUT I WAS LIKE NAH SON CRANK UP DA BASS AND LETS SHOW DESE GUIZE HOW 2 CHILLAAAXXXX!!!!  THOSE BORINGS GUYS CLOSED THE HAILING FREQUENCY SO I ORDERED THE BASS CRANKED UP TO MAX SO DEY CULD HEAR IT FROM SPACE!!111 LOL!!!  CHEKOV SED SUM SHIT ABOUT SOUND CANT TRAVEL THRU SPACE BUT I WUZ LIKE BS I SEEN STAR WARZ ALL DAT NOISE WUZ ALL OVER DA PLACE SON GTFO.  CHEKOV IS SUCH A NERD.

LMAO OH MAN LISTEN 2 DIS LOLOL SPOCK THRU A HUGE FIT LAST WEEK HAHAHA UHURA GOT A TRAMP STAMP AND HE WUZ PIIIIISSSSEEDDD LOLOL HE WUZ WALKIN' AROUND WIT CLINCHED FISTS PUNCHING MONITORS HAHA WAT AN EMO BABY!

SO UH I GUESS IN SUMMARY I GOTS 2 REPORT DAT BARION 12 AIN'T INTERESTED IN TALKIN TO THE FEDERATION ANY TIME SOON N ALSO DEY ARE FUCKIN' DWEEBS ANYWAY.  WE REPLICATED SEVERAL TONS OF WEED N BEEMED IT DOWN 2 DEM SO RECCOMEND CONTACT AGAIN IN A FEW WEEKS TIME.  KIRK OUT.

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AW SHIT SON I SEE HOW DIS WORKS NOW LOLOLOL OK SO LIKE, CAP'NS LOG STARDATE UH WHATEVER. HAHA SO WE FIGURED OUT 2DAY THAT WE HAS THIS SHIT CALLED DEFLECTOR SHIELDZ!!1 SULU WAS PLAYIN WITH SOME BUTTONS AND FOUND THEM!! THEY KEEP US FROM RUNNIN' INTO THINGS FLOATING AROUND IN SPACE!! HAHA DUDE OUR ENGINEERS WERE SO PISSED BECUZ THEY JUST NOW FINISHED FIXIN THE DAMAGE FROM WHEN WE RAN INTO ALL DAT SPACE-JUNK AT VULCAN WHEN WE JUST COULDA HAD DIS ON AND NOT RUN INTO ANYTHING LOL OH WELL

SO STARFLEET WANTED US 2 GO TO SOME ASTROID BELT AND STUDY THEM ROCKS FLOATIN AROUND OR SOME SHIT BUT DAT SOUNDED BORING SO INSTEAD I JUST TOLD SPOCK 2 MAKE UP SOME SHIT 2 SEND BACK TO DEM AND WE WENT TO ORION SLAVE PLANET INSTED AND HAD A FUCKIN' BLAST!!!11 WAIT...SHIT THIS LOG IS 4 STARFLEET RITE? OH DAMN... WELL I WILL JUST HAVE CHECKOV EDIT DIS SHIT OUT LOLOLOL OK KIRK SIGNING OFF!

O PS CHECK OUT DIS SHIT FROM DA WILD PARTAY WE HAD ON DA BRIDGE LAST NIGHT IT WAS OFF THE HOOK SON LOLOL K PEACE

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UH HMMM CHECKOV JUST SET UP MY CAPTAIN'S LOG BUT HOW DO I USE DAT SHIT? HRRMMMM WUT???

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