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This was yet another collaborative effort between me and Pogo. Many many thanks to her for her help in making this!

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I have no idea what I was thinking when I did this.

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Yeah I stole that title from somewhere. I don't remember where, but credit goes to whoever made it up. But I believe it was about a year ago that I read an article online with that title. And I thought... no WAY would they do something as lame as a TOS prequel.

Oh how wrong I was.

Instead of posting a blog whining about the whole thing, which I could have done but wouldn't have really been that entertaining, I decided to use my action figures to express my views on the matter. I used an old idea largely inspired by Frank, in which Sarek and Worf review movies together.

I don't care if you don't agree with me. I think STXI is bullshit. It is also an anagram for STIX and who actually likes them?

One more thing... the fact that I actually wrote this thing and got the pictures done in 4 days, compared to the usual 3-6 months it takes me to get anything done, I think that should say something.

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I don't really have all that much to say about this one, however I will go on and on anyway. Sometime during the course of last semester, Bexter gave me this wonderful gift of one Star Trek coloring book from the 70's. I was so excited! She found it in John Smith Jr's. mother's basement. Most of it wasn't colored either. So... apparently, it took me half a semester and winter break to finish this thing, but dammit Jim, um, okay I've got nothing. And I know most of my amateur Star Trek humor stuff is pretty tasteless, but I think this one is REALLY tasteless. But not in that good obscene crayon porn way, or that Wesley getting it on with his mom way. More like that "what happened?" way. sigh. Anyway, I don't know if this could be considered a collector's item... but hey guess what, I had to defile it regardless. I couldn't help myself. What sucks though is all the dirty writing isn't in the book itself. I did hand-write the first 2 pages, but then realized it wasn't going to show up very well and it would be too hard for all you fine people to read. So, here it is.

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...say that Weyoun is 100% gay.

This is really short and dumb but Weyoun and Damar are mad h0ttiez sooo too bad.

Seriously though, if you watch the episode "Statistical Probabilities", what ELSE was going on here?

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Okay, so I'm redoing "Trials and Tribble-ations" which redid "The Trouble with Tribbles." What's the point, really? I will admit that as much as I hate most of the "light-hearted" episodes of DS9 as I like to call them, I actually do enjoy "Trials and Tribble-ations." It was clearly done for fun and nostalgia and it was done well.

Although it's definitely no "Take me Out to the Holosuite" (which ranks somewhere among similarly shitty shit like "Let He Who is Without Sin", "You are Cordially Invited...", "Badda-Bing, Badda-Bang", and so on), it still is a touchy subject. They redid TOS?? Seriously, I don't remember watching "The Trouble with Tribbles" and seeing Dax and Sisko on the bridge, or 9184319851 people crammed into one corridor. But that's what happens when you do yet another time travel episode.

Time travel episodes are enjoyable, just as well as time travel fiction in general, but it gets to the point where it's just not believable anymore. I don't care what you say, no matter how hard you try to explain it, the paradoxes don't make sense. And there is NO way that if you travel back in time you can manage to not alter the timeline. I don't buy the whole theory about not being able to do anything significant enough to affect the time line. Really the most plausible explanation to me in any given time travel situation is that the characters really go back in time to an alternate parallel universe, and affect what goes on THERE. In "Trials and Tribble-ations" they are so concerned with not changing the timeline and Temporal Investigations, but they do so much interacting with everyone that it just isn't conceivable that absolutely nothing changed, with no reverberating effects. Besides, how do you explain the absence of DS9 crew members in scenes from "The Trouble with Tribbles" where, according to them, they should have been visible?

Really the point of this blog is I just wanted to play with my action figures and make subtle jokes (or not-so, to the avid nerd)... and of course, make fun of time travel. As for the perversion aspect, this episode really wrote itself. If you don't believe me, watch it again. It is so there.

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Here is my second gallery of random crap I've made over the months. I don't know when the next time I'll make an action figure comic will be (though I'm currently writing one), so you'll just have to put up with this until then. Most of these are crappy DS9 drawings I did in MS paint based on episodes from the first couple seasons... cuz that was really the only joy I got out of suffering through them. It's possible that you've already seen some of these floating around on the internet.

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Oh yes, I finally made another one of these. I'm really not too thrilled about this one, it was kind of better in theory, I think. Oh well, I have a couple of other ones planned that I think will be better, along with another collaborative project which is stupid and ridiculous, but I find funny. More on that to come.

Anyway, this was supposed to be a parody of the TOS episode "The Apple". I wanted to make fun of how bad the morals/ethics were in that episode. Kirk violates the prime directive and destroys paradise for a civilization, because he thinks his way of living is better. Just because you don't approve of how people live, why ruin it for them if they're happy? What a jerk. He thought that destroying their way of life was justified because now they'll know what sex is like. They'll also grow old and die too. It's not like their relationship with the god thing wasn't symbiotic. Ahh well. This comic does still parody The Apple, but it also ended up (blatantly) parodying The Wrath of Khan, cuz I couldn't help myself. I also intended for this to be in celebration of William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy's 75th birthdays, which fell in the same week, but I never get anything done. That said, I hope you enjoy this more than I did.

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I really shouldn't have done this. I should be studying for FINAL EXAMS. And Picard ytmnd.com sites are my favorite. Anyway, it'll help if you know more to the story of Oedipus Rex than "he killed his father and married his mother." Well duh. Everyone knows that. Everyone also seems to think that Oedipus did it on purpose. And an "Oedipus complex" does NOT mean you want to kill your father and marry your mother per se. Yeah so anyway, if you're familliar with the story, you'll get the references.

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Frank and I are back, and have boldly gone where we haven't gone before. That's right, The Animated Series.

Actually, neither of us have ever seen the animated series. Do you know why (besides the fact that we weren't even born when it was aired)? Because Paramount, for some reason, won't release it on DVD. I'd really like to know why they aren't exploiting this opportunity to make even more money off of Star Trek fans. I know I'd stupidly give them another $100 or so to own TAS on DVD. Actually, there's a video store by my house that has a few of the episodes on VHS. I just never got around to renting them, since it's like $4.50 a rental there, which is dumb. If anyone knows anything about the release of TAS, or how I can get it (legally or not), please let me know.

Yeah, so, we've never seen TAS but we made a blog about it anyway. It's not very hard to do. We excel in turning any characters into "immature, bickering homosexuals," as Frank put it. And anyway, they're pretty much the same characters from TOS, so we decided it didn't matter. As you read this work of art, I am sure several questions will cross your mind. "What's with all the gay?" "Why are Frank and Pogo so immature?" "Do they have a preoccupation with sex?" I could answer those questions but ummm, you'll have to call again, I'm uhh, not dressed properly.

Frank started, and then we alternated. Again, Frank uses the font comic sans (which is all bold and curvy), and I outline my bubbles and stuff in black. If you can't figure it out, I don't know what to tell you.

I should probably link Startrekanimated.com, considering that that's where we stole all the pictures we used from.

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Deep Space Douchebags - Take Me Out to the Holosuite and Shoot Me in the Head...

... with a Phaser Set to Kill and Hopefully I Will Die Because the Senior Staff is too Busy to Care.

Take Me Out to the Holosuite, what a ridiculous episode. This episode is amusing, with good old TOS sillyness. I mean, the crew is in freakin baseball uniforms, playing against a team of Vulcans, and Sisko talks funny and pronounces it "basebawhll".

I do have a few complaints though. First of all, what the hell is Sisko's problem? He acts really childish, and is totally bitchy to everyone. He forces his whole senior crew to play a stupid sport that was terminated years ago, for good reasons I'm sure, all because he holds a grudge against a Vulcan. I don't know about you, but I really hated it when we were forced to play baseball in highschool. I mean, Sisko bitches soooo much about what a gloating bastard that Vulcan guy is, but how does that make him the bigger person, by being all puerile and becoming obsessed with beating him in baseball? Will that really prove anything, Sisko? Huh? Will it? Apparently not, because he lost anyway, and acted like he won. What the hell?

Let's get to the Vulcan guy, Captain Solok. There's one bad Vulcan, if I do say so myself. Perhaps he is a descendant of T'pol, considering she was a bad Vulcan who really got around. Anyway, that Vulcan has got some serious self esteem issues. Why does it make him so happy to keep making Sisko feel like crap? Just so he can prove the point that he thinks humans are inferior? I thought Vulcans didn't need to feel happiness? Even Spock, a half-vulcan, admitted in the episode "This Side of Paradise" that under the influence of the spores, he was happy for the first time in his life. And anyway, being a Vulcan, if he knows that Vulcans are so much better, why does he have to go out of his way to prove it to himself and to everyone else? Illogical. And how did he actually get his crew to go along with the whole baseball charade? Wouldn't SOMEONE have been like... wow, you are illogical... ? Wouldn't it be illogical to contribute to the illogic of the captain? WHAT. THE. HELL. Should we just assume that they're really Romulans?

Perhaps the most obvious flaw is that the damn senior crew spent 2 weeks training for the stupid game. They wasted so much time playing that damn thing, and they were never interrupted once. In nearly every episode of Star Trek, whichever series, a senior staff member is always interrupted during their off hours, to go do some work. Of course, that also makes me go insanse trying to comprehend the fact that it seems like the whole senior staff is ALWAYS available at all hours of the day, but the DS9 crew's game was not interrupted once. And they were in the middle of the Dominion war. Ummmm. Where the hell did they get all this time from? Of course, for say TNG, you could argue that the episodes only show the crew's lives when something exciting happened, and that there's mundane time inbetween... but on DS9 there was a god damn war going on. And they're all having a jolly old 2 weeks off. Riiiight.



Hopefully, you've suffered through my rambling, and now we get to the real story behind the story. My friend Frank and I were discussing the afore mentioned things that were wrong with this episode. We were also laughing at the way Sisko says "baseball" and how dumb Rom is (by the way, Frank does an awesome Rom impression). So, it all started with me leaving him the first picture in this blog, just because we were laughing at Sisko. Frank then responded with a picture of Rom, since we had been making fun of him too. Then I responded back, and it just went on and on, and turned out to be a beautiful, collaborative story. Oh yes, and we're aware of how random it is.

Hope you enjoy my first installment of Deep Space Nine, and I couldn't have done it without Frank of course, so please, check out his blog. Funny stuff, especially his Star Wars sitcom. Alright, I shall finally shut up, and leave you with our new and improved version of "Take me Out to the Holosuite". I started, and we alternated. If it matters to you, you can tell the difference between our pictures... Frank uses the font comic sans, which is recognizable, has longer mouth pieces on the word bubbles, and I always outline mine in black. So yeah.

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This one kind of sucks, but I just felt like making fun of how gay Kirk and Spock are (for the 4295894856th time), and parodying transporter accidents/parallel universes... and some standard Star Trek cliches. Oh, and like my cheesy special effects or die.

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**IMPORTANT** Please suffer through my rambling before you see the pictures... it's better that way. Okay. I hadn't seen the TNG episode "Inheritance" in a while, so logically, I decided to watch it, although I remember thinking that it was flawed. You know, the one where Data meets the woman who says she's his mom, and she turns out to be an android. Yeah. I'll tell you what's wrong with this episode. How the hell did she not know she was android? Aren't androids supposed to be smart? So she never figured it out? Are they trying to say that Soong programmed her so perfectly that she NEVER did anything strange... or nothing that she ever noticed? Okay... we know Soong built Lore and Data so they could be his android love slaves. So, since he built this other one based off of his wife, she obviously was a love slave. Not only would she have to have anatomically correct, fully functional sexual organs, but she'd also have to have an accurate reproduction system. I mean, she never got her period? And know one could figure out why? Or maybe women don't get their period in the future, is that it? Hmm. Oh, and also, how did she eat and drink and process the food? Did she actually take a crap, android style? Like... what the hell. And she never injured herself in the slightest? It could be argued that since she as an android, her actions were so smooth that she wouldn't have been able to say, cut herself, but no one else ever accidently hit her up until when her arm broke off? And also... did she ever wonder why she never saw herself bleed... if she COULD even bleed? It just doesn't seem possible that Soong could have had made her so advanced that she would act so primatively. She's like a walking paradox. All that aside, the woman who played the ex Mrs. Soong was also a pretty bad actress, in my opinion. The deliverance of lines was bad, and her body language was dramatic. It drove me crazy. Since I don't know who she is, so I don't know if she was really British or not, but she had one of those voices that sounded like a hint of fake British accent. It's like, when actors are trying to sound all dramatic, usually because they're bad actors, they take on this totally fake voice... like it's supposed to make them sound more distinguished or something, yet it really maked them sound like assholes. This episode is yet another good example of Data showing evidence of emotion. This is something he does ALL the time, yet people still seem to deny it. No, he has emotion, and it's not like it's because Brent Spiner's acting is bad. It's actually in the script. Data at first is skeptical that this Juliana android woman is really his mother, and he shows evidence that he is not comfortable with her being so emotional and touchy towards him. After he researches it and concludes that she is probably telling the truth... he calls her "mother", yet he hesistates, like it's hard for him to call her that. Uhh. How is that not emotional? Not to mention, he is always gay with Geordi in every episode, including this one. That's pretty emotional. What was funny though is when ex Mrs. Soong was talking about Data running around naked... the LOOK on Geordi's speechless face. Haha. I had to take a screen cap of that exact moment... and I decided to turn it into a very mini blog, to show how the episode could have been drastically improved.

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Yeah, I know this one kind of sucks, but too bad.

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After Picard became goth, did drugs, and then was forced to be Riker's love slave, he went back to being even more of an asshole. But then again, everyone else is an asshole with a vengeance. This story was inspired by Frank.

Ohh, I like how I really only tried hard with the background on the first few pictures, haha.

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Does anyone remember when Picard called something "goobly gob"? I think it was in "The Measure of a Man". Anyway, what the hell, is that some stupid phrase from the future?

My point is, I'm compiling a bunch of crap I've made for other people, cuz I'm too lazy to make a real blog. Well, lazyness isn't really an issue (yes it is), I'm just busy all the fucking time now, and when I'm not, I'm too tired to bother doing anything creative.

Here is a picture done by Frank.

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Today is officially "Be Mean to Picard Day". He had it coming to him, I'm sorry. Actually, this stemmed from my disappointment that Patrick Stewart won't be doing photos with fans at the con in MA in November. I think that's totally lame. Though I don't know if he's just being a bitch, or if Paramount owns him and said he can't. Cuz I know Star Trek actors can only be guests at official conventions, and for example, I read that Leonard Nimoy isn't allowed to just randomly sign autographs for fans... it has to be done through conventions or something. Feel free to comment with your input if you know anything about all that.

Anyway, my good friend Frank and I both decided to make "be mean to Picard" blogs, in the spirit of "be mean to Riker". If you like this, then please do check out Frank's.

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Urgent subspace message for Captain Picard!
Current mood: enraged
Commander Pogo to Captain Picard. This is a matter of extreme concern. I was contacted by your chief medical officer, a Dr. Beverly Crusher. She was very angry and I noted a hint of jealousy in her tone of voice. She somehow obtained a file of my last diplomatic meeting with you. It is quite mysterious, since I was not aware that such a file even existed, and if it did, how she acquired it. She is threatening me to stop negotiations with you, by saying that she will report us to Starfleet headquarters if there is no cessation of these negotiations. Dr. Crusher has also sent the file to one of my subordinates, who foolishly told me that he was going to report the incident to the Talshiar at once. I had to have him assassinated. I do not know what the doctor's problem is, but it would be prudent on your part to find a way to force her into silence immediately. Let us hope you will not have to take extreme measures. Here is the file. Perhaps you can analyze it and tell me how it came into existence. Commander Pogo out

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If you like this, then check out a blog my friend Frank did, in the spirit of "be mean to Riker day". It's great.

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Okay yeah. Maybe I'm cranking out too many now? I actually have a few ideas, but I do promise to try to think of a good sequel to the last blog. But I think for a little bit, I will present to you some TNG. This is just a short one I did today... so don't think it's going to top the last one.

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Okay, so I finally finished an action figure bloggy thing. A lot of the pictures suck, but it's my first one, so give me a break. :) They'll get better, as I'm starting to get the hang of it. And you have to love my ghetto ass construction paper "sets". TOS sets were ghetto, so uh, need I say more? Anyway, this was originally going to be a parody of both "Operation: Annihilate!" and "The Devil in the Dark", but it would have been even longer... so now it's just a parody of the former. It basically plays on the total USS make shit up-ness of the episode... and is a Star Trek/Aliens cross-over at the same time. A big thanks to Will, for letting me use pictures of his model of the NCC-1701 for this blog. :) And to Gilligan, for helping me with the lighting effects in photoshop.

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I'm so pissed. I swear, the internet gods are trekkies with absoultely no sense of humor... you know, those ones that think Star Trek is real because their lives suck so much that Trek becomes an escapism. EVERY time I make one of these god damn blogs... you have no idea how much shit goes wrong. I fucking hate it. Anyway...

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Just a side note... someone please tell me how the picture quality is. I open these pictures in paint and they look fine, but on here they look all blurry and shit. Could be because I'm using dial-up and an AOL browser. Cuz when I look at my blog using Mozilla, they look way better. Just wondering.

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