Dis paw juhnal... do youah know veyah I haff been? Yes, besides spinning in my chaiyah awll day. Da fuhcking battle plans to take ovuh da state of Kulifawnia haff failed. VHAT DA FUHCK?! I knowah who eez behind dis... eet eez awll Ricktuh and Cohaagen's fawlt... vell... ve get dose bastuhds dat fuhcked both youah and me! Yes, I vent on a fuhcking vacashun to Mahz to find dose assholes... but den I get deyah and I find owt eet eez not colonized! Sylvestuh said fawget abowt Kulifawnia, ve can just staht ovuh vith Mahz, but I say NOAH! Ricktuh must pay faw dis, I BREAK AWFF HIS GOD DAMN AHMZ!
But now I don't knowah if I vill evuh get dat Ricktuh! Fuhcking Bruce has abandoned us! Ve had a secret runday-voo faw da veekend, and do youah know vhat happened? Dat son of a bitch ignawed us faw veeks! Ve vere supposed to be ON TIME vith our synkronized Peekachu vatches so ve could blow up every suspected locashun of dat bawld bastuhd Ricktuh, but no, he vas novheya to be found! Den latuh on, my CPU transmitted a messige saying dat Bruce vould no longuh join us because he vas sick of vilence and ve had to stop pretending dat ahh lives ahh da movies. HELLO?! YES, GOOD MAWNING, HOW AHH YOUAH? LAST TIME I FUHCKING CHECKED, DIS EEZ NAWT LAST ACKSHUN HERO! DEYAH EEZ NOT A REAL VURLD AND A MOVIE VURLD! DA WHOLE TING IS DA FUHCKING TRUTH! So, me, Sylvestuh, and Jesse haff conclooded dat de kwaiyah boy Bruce just tinks ve ahh smelly poo faces, becuss he eez obviously wrong about dat othuh stuff. My whole life eez fawlling apahty befaw my very eyes, my empiyah of Kulifawnia is crumbuhling, my friendz tuhn into Benedict Ahnuldz (haha, Ahnuld), now I knowah how all da great peeple off da vurld haff felt, like Seezuh and Hitluh. And yes, I DID vunce say dat I admaiyuhd Hitluh... HE TOOK OVUH GUHMANY! I MUST TAKE OVUH MY COUNTREE! But don't vurry... eef I am blown to bits by da hand off a traituh aww I must tuhn into a pussy and commit suiside... don't vorry, AHHLL BE BACK! Becuss I am going to submuhge myself in a tank of kryogenic likvid and DA ICEMAN COMETH! I VILL BECOME FUHCKING MISTUH FREEZE AND I VILL GET DAT BEARD BOY! I VILL FREEZE OVUH DA STATE OF KULIFAWNIA AND HITAIL IT TO MAHZ! I'D JUST LIKE TO SEE COHAAGEN AND RICKTUH GET ME DEN! HAHAHAHAHA! GIVE DOSE TRAITUHZ AIYAH! OAH, YOUAH TINK ABOUT IT AND YOUAH VILL BE TUHMINATED! DOWOWOWOW!
(Current rating 0 based on 0 votes)
Vow! You vould not believe how vell ahh unduhground misshun is going! Dah! Ve got some nerds to help us build de T-800's... because I asked only dat some gearls fucked geeks, so now in return de geeks ahh helping me BUILD FUCKING CYBUHNETIC AWWGANISMS!
See I have just been so very busy! You know, me and Sylvestuh go on lots and lots of misshuns! Ve vere drawing out some battleplans vith Bruce's crayons... I vas making a very detailed, drawn to scale map of Los Angeleez and Sylvestuh vouldn't give me de god damn blue crayon so I could color da sky! VHAT THE FUCK! So ve stahted beating the shit out of each othuh like always, Bruce threatened that he vas going to take his crayons and go home if ve didn't cut it out. Ve threw each othuh around and I got thrown on thee box of crayons... they vere broken because I am so buff and manly! So, to make eet up to Bruce, Sylvestuh and I vent to Toys Ahh Us to get some new crayons. I pushed Sly around in de caht, it was very cute, ve fucking plowed through all de fucking displays at thirty miles an houauh and ve killed some leetle kids I think, but dey lacked discipline! Dose leetle brats ahh vhining about turbo man dolls, dey should get dee fuck back in da classroom and take dere toys back to da cahpet! Anyvay, ve found de crayons and ve stole a bunch of packs, somevone tried to stop us and I vas like TALK TO DA FUCKING HAND! Ve rode avay on pink bicycles dat ve stole from dere but den ve saw de icecream man! So ve decided it vas time faw a new vehicle. Ve chucked ahh bikes to de side of da road and ve ran aftuh the ice cream man flagging dat bitch down! Sylvestuh fucking jumped on de roof and I grabbed on to de side of da daw and reeped it off! I threatened him vith my bazooka and said GET OUT! I'LL DRIVE! I pushed de kwaiyah boy out and me and Sylvestuh rode back home vhile eating ice cream... BUT HE ATE MY FUCKING ICE CREAM SANDWICHES! DOSE AHH LIKE ICE CREAM COOKIES, DO YOU HEAH? NO VONE EATS MY COOKIES! PUT DE COOKIE DOWN NOW, SYLVESTUH! Vell ve made it back to de fawt vith maw food rations in de fawm of icecream and candy, not to mention maw crayons faw ahh battle plans. Yes, de state of Kulifawnia will be sorry, really really sorry dat my approval ratings vent down... HAHA! TAKE DAT! YOUAH BETTAH GET READY FAW DA BIG SURPRISE, I FUCKING NUKE YOUAH ASS! Speaking of nuking... I love nuked food!! I'm so glad Jesse stole dat microvave from my neighbahz!
Oh yeah, and I am getting seek and tiyud of dese bitches taking de state of Kulifawnia's tax dollaz to buy stupid shit like DVD's! VHAT DE FUCK! I give you dose fucking dollaz so dat you can live... I say come vith me if you want to live, meaning if you vant youah fucking welfare or social security check, YOU MUST JOIN ME! NOT OPPOSE ME BY PURCHASING STUPID SHIT YOU DON'T NEED! How would you like it if I take youah fucking check avay and use it to draw my battle plans on, huh? You think youah know bad cause you spend my checks on bullshit? VELL YOU AHH FUCKING KWAIYAH BOY COMPARED TO ME AND YOU BETTA GET READY FAW ME AND SYLVESTUH TO KICK DOWN YOAH DAW AND SAY KNOCK KNOCK VHILE VE SHOOT YOU SIX TIMES VITH HIGH WATUH PRESSUH SUPAHSOAKA 10,000'S!!!!!!! At least if youah going to fucking do that, buy movies of ME so I can get de fucking tax dollaz back! I am so very rich, and dose god damn tax dollaz ahh coming from my pocket anyvay! Judement Day is inevitable, I vill be at youah daw making shuah you spend dat money on things to suhvive like fucking ahhmy rations and med kits, I have nothing else to do and novhere else to go, I vill hang out vith you till de end of time! Until de end of days! Until Judgement Day vhen my T-800's take ova vith me AND YOUAH FEEL DE WRATH OF THE SUPASOAKAZ!!!! DAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!
(Current rating 0 based on 0 votes)
Yes, I must say dat my secret unduhground mission is going ovah well. Granted, Sylvestuh and I had to build a trench around duh staiyahcase to da basement using old couch coushins and barbed vire dat we stole from de junkyard in awduh to keep out Maria and de fouwah kids. So fah it has been vorking. Anyvay, Bruce and Jesse had to leave faw a few days, dey ahh on a mission to restock ahh amunition and food rations. So vhile they ahh gone, Sylvestuh and I decided that ve should go get some maw movies, because ve already finished vatching the roughly 200 movies ve have all been in combined. Of cawse dere vas no vone to protect ahh fortress, but I am so smaht, I set up lasuh trip bombs so if anyvone tries to get in, dey bettuh get ready faw da big surprise, because they ahh all going SPLAT! HAHA! Vell, Sylvestuh and I took off to Best Buy in two of my hummaz. Ve had a race to see who could get dere first and who could run ovah da most pedestrians. I von! I AM DA VINNAH HAHAHAHA! So, ve vere looking around faw maw movies, ve decided dat maybe ve should take a break from de macho movies dat ve vere all in and get some Disney movies. Sylvestuh suggested ve look through de bargain bin, and do you know vhat happened? I FOUND ONE OF MY MOVIES IN DERE! VHAT DE FUCK! It vas Last Action Hero... COME ON! DON'T BULLSHIT ME! Dat vas a great movie! Just like Juniuh, it vas an academy awahd winning film! I vas like Sylvestuh, vhat the fuck, do you believe dis? And he's like "yo Arnold I know, I found Rocky V in here" and I vas like SHUT DE FUCK UP SYLVESTUH! HELLO, VE AHH TALKING ABOUT ME, NOT YOU, ROCKY V BELONGS IN DERE ANYVAY! NOT LAST ACTION HERO! So naturally, we began beating the shit out of each othuh, throwing each othuh around and knocking ovuh the racks of DVDs... some choir boy employees tried to break it up saying dey were going to call de cops on us... NO! I'M A POLICE OFFICUH! I vent and hid in de bathroom to take a dump and plot my escape strategy. Daaah... all dose cookies me and Sly vere eating did not sit vell... anyvay, I took such a huge manly crap dat de pussy of a toilet couldn't handle it... I took out my phased plasma rifle dat I got vhen I time traveled to de futuh, and I shot all de toilets and ran out of dere. People vere trying to get in dere to use de bathroom so I punched dem all and said "NO MAW COMPLAINING, NO MAW MISTUH KIMBLE I HAVE TO GO TO DE BATHROOM, NOTHING! DERE IS NO BATHROOM!" Den I grabbed Sly and said "run! Ve have to get to de choppuh!" Ve threw a couple of grenades around de Best Buy entrance and den ve got da fuck out! Auuugh! Another victory faw Ahnuld! I vill update latuh vhen ve rendez-vous in my basement vith Bruce and Jesse and vatch owuh new Disney movies! DAAAAAAUGGGH!
(Current rating 0 based on 0 votes)
I knew it... someone infiltrated my journal... VHERE THE FUCK IS IT! GIVE IT BACK! NOW!
(Current rating 0 based on 0 votes)
Hi! Ahnuld is very disappointed. My approval ratings ahh down. VELL VHY?! What the FUCK did I do wrong?! The state of Califawnia needs me! I recently made a speech about the prices of gas. They ahh worse den da prices faw turboman dolls. Don't be ridiculous! Of cawse, I can affawd the one million dolluhs a week it cawsts to fill up my hummuh, and I have enough fuel to drive down da road running ovah little kids and der toy cahs, but dat is no reason for de people of Califawnia to hate me! I decided it vas time to start vorking on my mastuh plan. I called up Sly... ve vent shopping togethuh, Commando style, though he kept insisting it was Rambo style... I'M JOHN MATRIX, YOU IDIOT! Basically ve vent to da mall and da supuhmahket vith a bazooka and blew everything up and stole a bunch of supplies. Den we went back to my house and set up camp in my basement. Ve hung blankets ovuh da furnitchuh and made a tent. Ve have been living off of ahmy rations and drinking out of canteens like da big tough men we ahh. Den we used ahh walkie talkies to call up Bruce and Jesse. They entered through the super secret entrance dat Sylvestuh and I had dug underground in my back yard. Ve have been down heah faw days vorking on de Ahnuld clones. EET'S A CLONE! If I'm not me, den who da hell am I? I'm Adam Gibson! Vell, my plan is to make a whole bunch of clones of myself so dat no one can oppose me, and den ve vill all take ovuh Califawnia and rule with an iron Austrian fist. Ve are also going to build a few terminatuhs out of da empty cans we've been eating from. Maria came down da stairs yestuhday to ask why der vas a weird smell coming from da basement and asked why we were all wearing facepaint. YOU SON OF A BITCH! Bruce vas supposed to seal off that entrance, so what the fuck?! He shot her in da leg with our 12 guage auto loaduh so she finally left us alone. Anyvay, ve ahh hard at work on de Ahnuld clones and T-800's, but ve still have some good old sleepovah fun. Ve vatch movies of ourselves and play a game vhere ve all hide in our sleeping bags, and one of us punches one of da people in da sleeping bags, and they have to guess who's in dere. Vhen the Ahnuld clones are done, ve vill have maw people to play with. I AM SO COOL!
(Current rating 0 based on 0 votes)
Howdy, Quaid! This is Howsuh. Vhat has Ahnuld been up to? Govuhnating. I fill in pot holes. Besides that, I don't do much, and people ahh getting angry. Well, fuck YOU asshole! In othuh news, I just had a pahty to celebrate how cool I am. Guess who showed up? Sinbad. WHAT THE FUCK! I hate him. AUGGGAAAAH! He told me he wasn't really Sinbad, but Richud Simmons Juniuh. Who would believe that there are Richud Simmons Juniuhz running around?! But then I remembered that academy award winning film I made, Juniuh. I love Danny Divito. He vas at my pahty. It was his idea to bring a giant meat grinduh, so I could throw everyone in it who I don't like. I told Sinbad that there was a turboman doll in there, so he jumped in. He vas terminated. Then, my best buddy Sly Stallone showed up, but he brought Carl Weathers (Apollo Creed). I don't like him, he's a son of a bitch who told me I have no style and gave me a raw deal... ah hahahahaha... Raw Deal, what a great movie. Yes, I take my movies that seriously, so Carl got thrown into the meat grinduh too. My little buddy Edward Furlong came, with that stupid asshole kid from Last Action Hero... I'll just call him Danny. I hate that fucking kid so much. He kept going on and on about how my backyard looked like a movie set. WRONG. Don't bullshit me. Into da meat grinduh. Later on though, Edward decided to steal the lobster from my pahty... but instead of terminating him, I just had Bruce Willis give him a wedgie. All of a sudden, my meat grinduh exploded. Eet's a bomb! So I just had Jesse Ventura run over the rest of the people I didn't like with a god damn minivan. Later on that night, right in front of Maria, Sly says to me "yo, Ahnuld, do you have a rubber baby buggy bumper?" NO YOU IDIOT! Maria got all suspicious. I really don't like her anymaw, she's damaged goods. I had a sleepovah in the backyard with Sly, and all the people who were too drunk to move. You should not drink and bake. Den, all de people who were left, including my family, got abducted by a Predatuh ship overnight. I could finally be alone with Sly. Gee, I wonduh how dat happened. GOODBYE!
(Current rating 0 based on 0 votes)
Stupid journal, I neva update anymore, do you know why? Dat's right, because I'm da govenah! But now I'm pissed off. I came up vith this rock 'em sock 'em Califawnia budget, and then legislation didn't pass it. Vell vhy not?! Theya was nothing wrong with it. So I called them a bunch of girly men, because that's what they ahh. Now everyone's mad at me and saying I'm sexist and anti gay. No, it's not true! And I refuse to apologize, because I speak da truth! You can hea it in my wondaful accent! Jesus, Marge, what the fuck... don't be such a pussy, and stop whining! Anyway, otha then dat, me and my good pal Sylvestah finally made up. I think he was just jealous cuz I rule Califawnia and he doesn't. But it's okay. We're back to hanging out and beating each other up and having hot sex. And I mean that in the straightest way possible... I mean... come oooon, I'm not a pervert! I do not want to touch his ass! Okay next subject... my birthday is coming up... July 30th, so I betta see you all at my pahty. And you betta bring me presents... cuz I don't want theya to be someone in MY house eating MY birthday cake with MY family... meanwhile they didn't get me presents. And if you want a gift on MY birthday, you betta get the hell off my propaty, because even though I'm gonna be 57, I still can kick youah choir boy ass and you will be terminated. Dat's right. See you at da pahty, Richtah!
Oh by da way, who da hell was making fun of me and calling me a little tortillia boy? Vell, I've got news faw you... oh nevamind, it was actually funny.
http://arnoldschwarzenegger.ytmnd.com/
(Current rating 0 based on 0 votes)
Good mawning! Nice to meet you! Haha... no really, yes I know I neva update my journal, but do you know vhy? Cuz I don't lack discipline, I have a responsibility to de people of Califawnya! Give dese people aiyah! I only think in politics these days. You know how I'm a stupid Republican? Vell so is George Bush... and back in January he announced sending all that crap to Mahz. I am very exicted. It vill be just like Total Recall. You know... I ran faw this stupid govenah thing... this Califawnya Recall... I thought it vas a sequel to Total Recall... vell it turns out it can be! Let's do it! Let's go to Mahz! But maybe I won't vote faw Bush cuz he is a stupid choir boy homophobe. I made it legal for gay people to get married in the state of Califawnya, even though the general public did not vant that. Vell you know vhat I say? SHUT UP! PUT A SOCK IN IT! Maybe I von't give you aiyah! Maybe I'll just drive all 9 of my hummahs around and pollute the state of Califawnya! Did I say I vould help the environment? I liiiied. Get used to it. I am politician now. Vell you know vhat... who da hell cayahs if gay people get married... there vill be lots of married happy people living in Califawnya... and everyone vill hold hands and they vill all sing "Ahnold Uber Alles" since I am now obviously above the law. There is a proposal faw a new ammendment... one that vould let non natural born citizens run faw president if they have been citizens faw at least 20 years. I vill do vhat it takes to get that passed, cuz I told you... I VILL be president and I vill change the national anthem to "Ahnold Uber Alles" so EVERYONE can sing it, and it vill be a law to eat studel everyday and it vill be illegal to eat broccoli and mushrooms, and ve vill get peope to vear ahhm bands vith my face on it... HAHAHA! How do you like that, you son of a bitch? And gay people vill really like me and it vill be cool cuz I can find buddies to go vith me to get my pedicures. Plus I like being gay with Sylvestah sometimes... wait... I nevah said that, if you accuse me of saying that... I vill take a god damn mini van, and shove it through youah head! AUGH! Anyways, speaking of that bastuhd... he's STILL mad at me. I think he needs to get ova himself. His stupid new movie came out on DVD the otha day... that Spy Kids 3D bullshit. I bought it anyvay cuz unlike him, I'm not a stupid vhiny traituh. This is a pictuh of him promoting it:
See... he still looks hot... I mean good... I mean... UGH! GIVE ME YOUAH FUCKING COOKIES AND GERMAN BEER!
(Current rating 0 based on 0 votes)
Ha, you didn't know I'm gonna say that did you? Vow, that sentence didn't even make any sense. I thought about my journal the otha day and thought maybe I should update it faw once because I hate people that don't update their journals. But I have an excuse, I've been so busy these days. I am the people of Califawnya's leader. Dat's right, I am. I am so cool. There vas an earthquake and buildings fell down so now I have to fix them. I vill kill those choir boys who built such shitty buildings. I just realized I say "choir boy" a lot, but I don't cayah. I am alvays on the news and in the papah and in magazines. I saw myself on this "celebrity oops" countdown and I kept saying "the sperminatah." Haha, I am so cool, and no I vasn't really sorry about that... cuz I'm not a pervert I sweayah. Vell I am more populah than evah... I can tell I'm on the road to becoming the leaduh of America. I don't cayah if I must take it by force. ANYWAY... being the govenah is so exciting but I miss the old days vhen me and Sylvestah and my otha friends used to sit around on my couch and ve vould beat up my kids faw making fun of me and ve vould prank call people. This is starting to make me sad... but I don't vant to be sad cuz that means I vill end up turning it into anguh and breaking everything, since anguh is maw useful den despaiyah. Dat reminds me, I hope everyone bought Terminatuh 3 vhen it came out, cuz if not I'm gonna ram my fist into your stomach, and break your god damn spine! And don't even be like that whiny choir boy kid from Last Action Hero and say "oooh I knew you vere gonna say that, you always say that..." cuz you know vhat I say? STOP WHINING! STOP IT! You know who else whines a lot? My fouwah kids. Like I said, I've been very busy and now I have to go Christmas shopping cuz all they do is vhine that they vant this and the vant that... they lack fucking discipline. I try to give them discipline by setting strict rules but I think it's my wife who's secretly ruining it. She's so annoying. So dis time of yeauh reminds me of when I had to find dat Turbo Man doll for Jamie... I vent through all that trouble and that little bitch wouldn't even put me on the phone with my wife... and then I had to dress up in red spandex and fly around vith a dangerous rock'em sock'em jetpack. I hate kids and I hate buying them presents. Oh vell... I'm gonna shut up befawah I get so pissed off and I break everything again. But I am going to do something that vould bring a tear to my eye if I vasn't the angry type:
Ve look so doofy but I don't cayah. I vish he didn't hate me. Oh vell, I'm just gonna order some pepperoni pizzas except I'll shoot the bullets at you if you make fun of my pictuh.
(Current rating 0 based on 0 votes)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I AM GOVENAH OF CALIFAWNYA! HAHAHAHAHA! You all doubted Ahnuld... and now I VON! HAHAHA! I HAVE POWAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Now, all you fucking pussy choir boys that didn't vote faw me, and all you psychopathic bitches that lied and said I grabbed your ass or I grabbed your boobs (I'm not a pervert)... TAKE THAT! I am so very excited. Now I think I'll buy another house inbetween the two I already have, so I can have 3 houses in L.A. that ahh 10 minutes apart, because I will get so much more populahrity. Or maybe I buy house in Sacramento, cuz guess what... I AM GOVENAH! I get to make a lot of speeches so everyone can heah my wonduhful accent even more... haha... at this rate I vill get everyone talking like me. I also get to promote my movies with my cawny movie line references... and I vill get more money so I can get more stogies. Speaking of stogies... that bitch Sylvester SMOKED MY STOGIE TOO! He didn't vote faw me... that son of a bitch. WHAT THE FUCK! He's being a little pussy cuz I won't be in a movie with him. I think he needs to stop vhining... cuz I don't caya cuz I'm not heeeea... and it doesn't matta cuz I AM THE HERO!
(Current rating 0 based on 0 votes)
Vell, I broke my monituh again. I vas trying to shut down my computer propuhly, and then I got that blue screen crap and it said that the following application vill be terminated. And I said oh you vant to mock me? I had to bash that bitch in. Fucking choir boy of a monituh. My wife says I have an anguh problem and thinks I need to see someone. I smacked that skanky bitch upside the head and left to go get a new monituh. Vhile I vas out shopping, I saw myself in so many magazines. I love dis popularity. I'm so populah. I thought running for governor and coming out vith Terminatuh 3 at de same time vould get me lots of recognition and I vas correct. I am on the cova of a stogie magazine. Vhen... I mean... if I am president, it vill be legal to go to Cuba so I can get my stogies. Vell anyvay, I also saw this Scottish magazine. I got very pissed off because I hate Scotland because everyone dere hates me cuz they have no sense of humah. Vhen I am president, I go ova dere and stomp dat little country undervater. Ha, how do you like that? Vell anyvay, there ahh rumahs now that I am in politics. Like my dad being a nazi? Just because his name is Gustav and Hitlah had a friend named Gustav, does not mean my fathuh vas a Nazi! He vas just part of the Austrian police force, he vas a cop you idiot! But no, dey turn around and say that the truth is a rumor... IT'S NOT A RUMAH! YOU AHH THE LIAHS! Anyhow, I get home and find out my fouah stupid kids ate all the food and there vas only broccoli left. BROCCOLI? Who the fuck eats broccoli anyvay? I don't even know vhat the hell broccoli is! I snap my fucking kids' heads like a pencil the next time they leave me only this broccoli shit. Vow, I can not vait till I am govenah, I vill outlaw broccoli.
(Current rating 0 based on 0 votes)
I fawgot about my journal faw a few days... I'm so busy, you know? Everyone vants to intuhview me every day, it's like COME ON! Maybe ve should turn the tables, ha how do you like that? Den I could be like... I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions... and I vant to have dem ansuhed immediately! Sir, ahh you a henchman? And den I run avay! Well, actually I did something like that yesterday... my secretary told me I had an interview scheduled and I was like WHAT THE FUCK. I showed up and I smashed their puny excuse faw a microphone ovah my knee and threw their papers all ovah the place and screamed "yoooou son of a bitch, if you vant to interview me again... I'll be back... and the last thing going through your head vill be my uzi nine millimetuh bullets!!" Then I took off, and met up vith my buddy Sly Stallone, vhich is the whole reason I cancelled that stupid thing in the first place. I had a hot date... I mean... I had to hang out vith him. That stupid pussy, all we did vas sit around and vatch Rambo. I said stop this bullshit, Rambo vas a pussy, or I von't eva come back, and he was like... "vhat are you, the terminator?" So I said "YES! YOU AHH NOT, EVEN THOUGH I SEE YOU GOT THAT POSTAH OF YOUAHSELF AS THE TERMINATUH!" That biiiitch, I slammed his head into the freeza and said "my name is Freeze... learn it vell, for it's the chilling sound of youah doom!" I hopped on my motacycle that I stole and drove home, my bitchy wife didn't make me dinna so I punched her in the gut and vent to bed.
(Current rating 0 based on 0 votes)
Vow, so many updates. I just wanted to vent about this. I vas on my computah, taking a break from my speaches, and I vas taking this quiz someone made about me and my quotes from movies (this is it: http://www.funtrivia.com/quizdetails.cf
(Current rating 0 based on 0 votes)
I decided to make a journal. I am Arnold Schwarzenegger. But I'm sure you already knew that. I know it's late. But I'm worried. People might not like my accent and thats why I'm not going to be voted on for Govenuh for California. I try and I try to be a normal American, but people LAUGH at my accent. They think it's funny. They dont know what it's like to have my accent. I HATE THEM ALL! WHEN I'M GOVENOR I CRUSH THEM ALL! THEY ARE FUCKEN CHOIR BOYS COMPARED TO ME!!! DO YOU HEA??? CHOIR BOYS!!! Well, I think I have a good chance of winning cuz people like my movies. America is so stupid, all they cayah about is movies, they don't even cayah if I'm qualified for government office, they're just like "oh, you know those movies where they say 'I'll be back' or 'you are terminated,' well listen to this one!"
Anyhow, I had a sleepover vith some of my friends so I could forget about my campaign. We sat around vith our rockem sockem bootie socks smashing things vith our fists, but then all those cry baby pussies went home. They vere allergic to my cat? She's a re-pet for Christ's sake! She's not even real! Vhen I get her recloned, I'll make her minus the cat dander. Psh... then those whiny little choir boys have no reason to go home. Or maybe they all went home cuz I farted on all their heads after I ate my sourkraut. Well if they were diesel like me, I wouldn't be able to hold them down. PUSSIES! I have nothing else to do and nothing else to say.
(Current rating 0 based on 0 votes)GTFO CHARLIE!!!
posted by JamesTKirk on 09/01/11
Riker eats everything!
posted by OtterVomit on 08/31/11
Why the hell not? The crew is probably used to it!
posted by OtterVomit on 08/27/11
LMAO WHO IZ DOIN' BETTR NOW BITCH???////
posted by JamesTKirk on 08/24/11
I can relate!
posted by OtterVomit on 08/24/11
Glenn Danzig's Shirtless Book Review: The Road vs. Twilight
posted by OtterVomit on 01/09/10
Turnabout Coming Out
posted by OtterVomit on 01/05/10
Hot Times in Sodom
posted by OtterVomit on 10/13/09
Star Trek XI: The Final Fuck You
posted by dukeburger on 02/12/07
Star Trek, The Coloring Book Series: Rescue at Gaylo
posted by dukeburger on 01/20/07
Read More...
im moving because of you.
posted by OtterVomit on 08/24/11
Hidden Depths with Hermann Goering - Hunger for Power
posted by OtterVomit on 02/06/11
John Connor's Robot Friend
posted by OtterVomit on 12/02/10
FACTS!!?!?? FACTS!?!?! HRAAWARRARBR
posted by OtterVomit on 11/13/10
Triumph of the Chirp
posted by OtterVomit on 11/01/10
Read More...
Riker eats everything!
posted by OtterVomit on 08/31/11
Why the hell not? The crew is probably used to it!
posted by OtterVomit on 08/27/11
I can relate!
posted by OtterVomit on 08/24/11
im moving because of you.
posted by OtterVomit on 08/24/11
The Star Trek Activity Book is a Treasure Trove of Hilarity
posted by OtterVomit on 08/24/11
Read More...
GTFO CHARLIE!!!
posted by JamesTKirk on 09/01/11
LMAO WHO IZ DOIN' BETTR NOW BITCH???////
posted by JamesTKirk on 08/24/11
LMAO I GOTZ A NU NIGGA NOW!~!!!!
posted by JamesTKirk on 08/20/11
LOLOL I LUV SPACE!!
posted by JamesTKirk on 08/13/11
AW SHIT YO
posted by JamesTKirk on 08/11/11
Read More...
GTFO CHARLIE!!!
posted by JamesTKirk on 09/01/11
Riker eats everything!
posted by OtterVomit on 08/31/11
Why the hell not? The crew is probably used to it!
posted by OtterVomit on 08/27/11
LMAO WHO IZ DOIN' BETTR NOW BITCH???////
posted by JamesTKirk on 08/24/11
I can relate!
posted by OtterVomit on 08/24/11
im moving because of you.
posted by OtterVomit on 08/24/11
The Star Trek Activity Book is a Treasure Trove of Hilarity
posted by OtterVomit on 08/24/11
Star Trek coloring books are great!
posted by OtterVomit on 08/23/11
trufax
posted by OtterVomit on 08/21/11
LMAO I GOTZ A NU NIGGA NOW!~!!!!
posted by JamesTKirk on 08/20/11
Raptor Jesus, He is risen!
posted by OtterVomit on 08/16/11
Robby the Robot with added lights
posted by OtterVomit on 08/14/11
LOLOL I LUV SPACE!!
posted by JamesTKirk on 08/13/11
Short Circuit remake will TRULY be awful!
posted by OtterVomit on 08/11/11
AW SHIT YO
posted by JamesTKirk on 08/11/11
THIS WEBSITE IS AWFUL AND UNDER CONSTRUCTION
posted by OtterVomit on 08/10/11
How telling
posted by OtterVomit on 08/09/11
Superman's other weakness...
posted by OtterVomit on 08/08/11
No one will care about this except me.
posted by OtterVomit on 08/03/11
my brother's skank
posted by OtterVomit on 07/24/11
Jonathan Frakes being scary
posted by OtterVomit on 05/10/11
Hidden Depths with Hermann Goering - Hunger for Power
posted by OtterVomit on 02/06/11
99 Problems
posted by OtterVomit on 01/11/11
John Connor's Robot Friend
posted by OtterVomit on 12/02/10
FACTS!!?!?? FACTS!?!?! HRAAWARRARBR
posted by OtterVomit on 11/13/10
Triumph of the Chirp
posted by OtterVomit on 11/01/10
Hidden Depths with Adolf Hitler - Conquering Fear
posted by OtterVomit on 10/18/10
Hidden Depths with Adolf Hitler - The Futility of War
posted by OtterVomit on 10/18/10
Hidden Depths with Adolf Hitler - Crime Prevention
posted by OtterVomit on 10/16/10
Hidden Depths with Adolf Hitler - The Future of Our World
posted by OtterVomit on 10/14/10
Read More...
To boldly go where everyone else is going...
RATING: 5 (1 votes)
Turnabout Coming Out
RATING: 5 (2 votes)
Operation: Star Trek stereotypes!
RATING: 5 (1 votes)
Commander Riker and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day
RATING: 5 (1 votes)
Urgent subspace message for Captain Picard!
RATING: 5 (2 votes)
Picard: The Cryer of Gothness
RATING: 5 (1 votes)
Goobly Gob
RATING: 5 (1 votes)
The Vengence Factor?
RATING: 5 (1 votes)
The Kirk Maneuver
RATING: 5 (1 votes)
Inheretance
RATING: 5 (1 votes)
In a mirror, gayly
RATING: 5 (1 votes)
Star Trek: TAS - "The Animated Sluts"
RATING: 5 (1 votes)
Oedipus Wes
RATING: 5 (1 votes)
The Fruitcake
RATING: 5 (1 votes)
The Trouble with Temporal Mechanics
RATING: 5 (2 votes)
Statistical Probabilities
RATING: 5 (1 votes)
Star Trek, The Coloring Book Series: Rescue at Gaylo
RATING: 5 (2 votes)
Star Trek XI: The Final Fuck You
RATING: 5 (3 votes)
Hitler Reacts to Wolfenstein 3d
RATING: 5 (2 votes)
Hidden Depths with Adolf Hitler - The Future of Our World
RATING: 5 (2 votes)
The Noble Necrophiliac
1236 views.
THE STAR TREK TIMELINE
976 views.
Raptor Jesus, He is risen!
915 views.
Short Circuit remake will TRULY be awful!
873 views.
Glenn Danzig's Shirtless Book Review: The Road vs. Twilight
780 views.
Picard: The Cryer of Gothness
762 views.
There's a Nuclear Bomb in My Back Yard!
746 views.
Star Trek, The Coloring Book Series: Rescue at Gaylo
713 views.
THIS WEBSITE IS AWFUL AND UNDER CONSTRUCTION
709 views.
my brother's skank
692 views.
Emperor Norton
690 views.
Star Trek: TAS - "The Animated Sluts"
633 views.
Creating Dr. Benton Quest
624 views.
The Star Trek Activity Book is a Treasure Trove of Hilarity
612 views.
Riker eats everything!
609 views.
To boldly go where everyone else is going...
602 views.
MySpace Trek
586 views.
Always on duty...
582 views.
Star Trek XI: The Final Fuck You
581 views.
LOLOL I LUV SPACE!!
577 views.
How telling
568 views.
Hitler Reacts to Wolfenstein 3d
561 views.
Hidden Depths with Hermann Goering - Hunger for Power
558 views.
Operation: Star Trek stereotypes!
545 views.
Turnabout Coming Out
533 views.
Commander Riker and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day
532 views.
Stuff from 2003 and before
528 views.
Inheretance
528 views.
Data is going to get his ass disassembled
522 views.
Robby the Robot with added lights
519 views.
Goobly Gob
516 views.
Jonathan Frakes being scary
513 views.
Oedipus Wes
512 views.
Hot Times in Sodom
510 views.
Deep Space Douchebags - Take Me Out to the Holosuite and Shoot Me in the Head...
510 views.
Hidden Depths with Adolf Hitler - Progress of Mankind
509 views.
In a mirror, gayly
508 views.
Hidden Depths with Adolf Hitler - Conquering Fear
507 views.
Funny Trek reference in A-Team movie
505 views.
The Kirk Maneuver
504 views.
The Fruitcake
501 views.
Why the hell not? The crew is probably used to it!
500 views.
Urgent subspace message for Captain Picard!
498 views.
FACTS!!?!?? FACTS!?!?! HRAAWARRARBR
497 views.
Superman's other weakness...
494 views.
Triumph of the Chirp
492 views.
No one will care about this except me.
492 views.
Hidden Depths with Adolf Hitler - The Future of Our World
488 views.
99 Problems
488 views.
Statistical Probabilities
487 views.
